-The Big Lebowski
Just as The Dude is the man for his time and place, sometimes there’s bar…well, it sets the bar. It is exactly what one is looking for. Whether one is wearing shorts and flip flops or a tuxedo, whether with his idiot college friends or the love of his life, this bar simply feels right.
Any of us who have had an epiphany while bellied-up to a dark bar while hanging out with a friend know this feeling of “right”. In most cases, individuals, and certainly a hack like me, cannot articulate what makes it so extraordinary while at the same time, comforting. The je-ne-sais-quoi of a bar, while elusive to describe, permeates the entire experience of imbibing at that establishment.
In South Baltimore, there is an establishment that possesses this indescribable characteristic. For some reason, instead of just talking about Jacko’s death, conversations morph into the societal and anthropological implications of it. One Resurrection or Hendricks or malbec turns into five, and sunlight turns into moonlight (or in most cases, police-siren light of Fort Ave.). I am of course talking about Idle Hour.
The Crowd: Simply said, the crowd is diverse and unassuming. Many nights (or days), one will see everyone from a locust point wharf rat drinking an MGD to a young attorney and his wife sipping high-end spirits. There is no dominant socioeconomic or age demographic.
Occasionally, the uncomfortably-inebriated-on-15-Miller-Lite-bottle-and-Jager-shot-post-college dufus will stroll in like he owns the place and annoy everyone else in the bar. In most cases when this happens, the drunk a-hole is made to feel like a drunk a-hole. However, on a weekend night, the place has is so effervescent with activity that nobody even notices the slop...hard to imagine given that the place is less than 500 square feet.
Regular patrons of Idle-Hour share a common understanding that the bar is the focal point, not a 23 year-old hottie doing belly shots, or glory days Penn State grads doing shots of well-marketed, poor quality tequila (not to disparage the former of the two foci). You go to Idle Hour to drink, enjoy company, and, as Max Keatty would say, philosophize.
Crowd: A-
Atmosphere: The phrase, “I like what you’ve done with the place” comes to mind. When it comes to real estate, my undoubted preference is to put one’s own spin and individuality on a piece of history. Idle Hour does this by molding the atmosphere of a mid-town Manhattan dive out of a converted Baltimore rowhome.
The formstone is still on the outside of the place, yet the spotlighted, painted vertical-lettered sign gleams like the beacon in the Coma episode of the Sopranos. One can see it from Light St. when heading east on Fort Ave., rising like Phoenix.
When one walks in, eight-ish times out of ten, he or she will get, at a minimum, a nod from a bartender and a quick size-up from the patrons. He or she will immediately notice hi-ball glasses with candles illuminating every other position at the bar. The liquor stock is well lit under a bar-length mirror, and dead soldiers of Chartreuse (Idle Hour is one of the top retailers, sometimes the top retailer in the USA of the French spirit) line a shelf running the length of the bar, with white Christmas lights draped beneath it. Maybe its just the sap in me, or the kid who thought the bar where Phoebe Cates worked in Gremlins looked cool, but to me, there is something undeniably warm about a bar with Christmas lights. They seem to say, “we know you need to see your way around in here, but that’s about all you need to see”.
The patron will then notice independent artwork littering the walls. As the work changes regularly, sometimes it will appeal to certain eyes, sometimes it will not. The point is, Idle Hour (similar to the Supercompueter "Hal" in 2001: A Space Odyssey, Idle Hour has a persona all its own…let’s call her “Ida”) doesn’t care if you like it or not. It’s just there. I will never forget one night when I went in to Idle Hour and the only ‘artwork’ on the walls was two beautifully scripted, 4x5-foot scathing reviews of, you guessed it, Idle Hour. Ida also has a sarcastic, self-deprecating sense of humor, crucial in today’s world of sophisticated comedy.
Now on to the music: I cannot count the number of times when I have interrupted a friend/drinking partner’s story with the passionate, amazed inquiry to the bartender, “Who the f*$@ is this!??” The music in Idle Hour is great. Not because it is always what I want to listen to, but because it is always interesting and individual. If you desire to hear Kid Rock’s abomination of two great rock songs, or the newest Kanye remix, do not waste your steps, breath, or hope walking into Idle Hour. On Thursdays Idle Hour typically has a DJ, and in most cases, he or she is spinning some awesome stuff. In one instance, there was a five song block of remixes of The Cars. Need I say more?
Atmosphere: A
The Drinks: Idle Hour has approximately five beers on draught, usually changing regularly (with the exception of the Nectar of N. Charles St, sometimes known as Resurrection Ale – that is always available). They have a decent wine selection, and an impeccable and adventurous liquor selection, including The Nectar of Scotland (sometimes known as Hendricks gin), and the Nectar of Kentucky (sometimes known as Basil Hayden’s bourbon). What they do not have, however, is imaginative herbed cocktails with a vivid description of ingredients and a high price tag.
If there is a signature drink at Idle Hour, it is most certainly Chartreuse, a vile concoction of some deranged French monks who think that the extraction and distillation of essences of 130+ herbs will result in a delightful spirit. If one is feeling particularly self-sadistic, he or she can snort back a few shots of Chartreuse, and suddenly Resurrections and Dogfish Heads taste like Coors Light, and the individual can immediately enter into “let me tell you how things really are” mode.
I am not sure if this is still available at Idle Hour, but I went in a few years ago and tried a “White Trash Mimosa” (brainchild of Ida), which consisted of Miller High Life (as it is the “Champagne of Beers”), and Tang. This drink is totally awesome in concept, and surprisingly, Xanthan Gummedly delicious. If Idle Hour does not still serve these, hopefully the HNIC’s will read this and act accordingly.
Drinks: A-
Service: After approximately two visits in a row where I ordered Henricks and soda with a cucumber, the help generally remembered my drink of choice and would begin mixing with a quick confirmation from me. With a bar of this size and limited regular patronage, I would expect this level of service. The staff at Idle Hour, however, in the case that I am feeling like a tasty bourbon, exceeds my expectations in remembering my second choice of drink as well! Bars make most of their money from regulars, and by treating people like, well, people, Idle Hour ensures that their “regulars” stay that way.
My grandmother worked as a cocktail waitress in the fifties. My mom gave me her bartender’s guide, which along with some killer cocktail recipes, also lists guidelines for bartenders (which I will publish on this blog). Most of Idle Hour’s bartenders adhere to a number of these guidelines (a rarity in today’s drinking establishments), which make a drinking experience all the more pleasurable:
-Make sure to be aware of your patron’s conversations, but do not appear to eavesdrop, and certainly do not posit opinions unless asked for them
-Shine your glasses before serving a cocktail
-If a patron’s drink gets below 1/8 full, ask if he or she would like another
-Acknowledge any new patron at the bar, even if you are busy, make sure the patron feels noticed.
In some cases, the staff can come off as dismissive (and in some cases, intoxicated). I have experienced this a few times, and it has soured otherwise great experiences. The majority of the time, however, if you as a patron are reasonable, the staff will be just the same.
Service: B+
Food: With no kitchen, the closest Idle Hour comes to a restaurant is by way of a cucumber in your Hendricks. They will allow a pizza to be ordered from nearby Mikie’s, which has awful pizza. I will say, however, that I have witnessed many a discriminating palette knock back a half of a Mikie’s pizza after a few at Idle Hour.
Food: n/a
Take Home: Idle Hour is a bar, plain and simple, with a vintage Baltimore attitude, and a Mount Vernon sense of style. You do not go here to watch football or MMA, to drink Miller Lites with your Sobo Sports team, or to drink Red-Headed Slut shots. You go here to drink your poision, and voice your passion. This bar has the “intangible desirable” for which all bars strive, and is totally original. It fits right in without an iota of effort.
Take Home: A (this grade will not often be given to bars on Baltimore Liquid)
No comments:
Post a Comment